my death would just be a joke to society. only my babe understands me and sometimes i feel like i confuse the shit out of her to... the thought of life is something i dread but being there and with her keeps me going day by day. but sometimes i feel the world would be better without me. I'm literally in physical and emotional pain and don't know how much more i can take. call me lame or a failure, but i hate society so much with a passion from what people have done to me (then they label me with SAD)because people scare the shit outta me and i cant even do a daily task without feeling on the edge. i don't know if anyone has ever felt the pain that hits me every day i wake. I've done so absurd shit to people and it makes me feel even more non worthy of living. why live when life only really shows its self as horrible and tormenting. i look at the news every day.. someone else die why couldn't it have been me. i guess there is some kind of purpose to my life i feel it could be embracing and making the most of my love but other then that i really don't see any purpose at all. I'm just stuck waking each day feeling numb to life..